I felt it shelter to speak to you.

We are floating in a seemingly endless sea. But it is always so tranquil wherever you are, and wherever I am when I’m with you. Warm air. Breathing fogs. Dragonflies. Silent understandings. Interlocking fingers. One hundred months, darling, and still so many more to go.

Tuesday has been beautiful, and all of a sudden, everything was pleasant. 

(Title quote from letters of Emily Dickinson, January 1878)

the month trembled like a butterfly

* * *

Today, I'm exactly where I want. 

Right here, I tried to build up my own personal doll house.

I like waking up every morning with the sunlight gently touching my face,

and the singing of the birds simply means, "hello, good morning!"

I like that wherever I look, it feels that there are hundreds of poetry waiting

to be written. I want to find them, and paint, and maybe turn some into

oceans, and into seas, and into skies.

everything is changing - even clouds

My life is like a rainy day. Beautiful, excited, emotional. I am afraid - of many things, 

but then I feel that there isn't anything that can stop me 

- ever. 

stay, stay, stay

There were once days when things seemed lighter, and me, braver. Lying in the fields at four in the afternoon alongside three of the most wonderful people in the planet, people I swore I wouldn't leave but I did. Girls who let me function in class, and in the whole world, and let me realize dreams, and appreciate poetry, and old songs, and me. Telling stories that were often nonsensical and full of self-made vocabulary and wild laughters and time that seemed to never end. But it did, eventually. The wishing flower seeds have flown, the mimosa leaves have slept, and little girls with orange skin and imaginary kitten whiskers have grown. 

I have changed and I wouldn't want to know how much more I am going to, since I cannot stop anyway. Can I ever? Stop time for even this time. All I really do want to do right now is be the best I can ever possibly be and laugh and Live, live, live. Fly, fly, fly.

I see you holding me.

He said that if I'm planning to keep being sad for a very long time,

might as well hide the eyes that speak of it. 

 That day, thank you for hiding all my bruises for me.

There aren't much stories to tell, and I'm almost always tired. Lately, these past few weeks, when I open my mouth, it's always all about the memories. But I think it's better to remember them all when one is lonely or want an escape, well, aside from sleeping, that is.

 Simba is sick, so I let him rest on my bed with kittygirl. Isn't he adorable.

If I were Murakami, he'd  be the hero cat in my story.

♥

Hello, stars. I hope you are well and healthy. I apologize for such a random post. 

I still just can't get my thoughts intact. I miss you.

haze

do you ever look up there and wonder?

“I felt like crying but nothing came out. It was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. But I think I have known it pretty often, too often.” Tales of Ordinary Madness, Charles Bukowski

*

Yesterday morning, I was feeling quite empty and so I decided to take the longer way to school. As I was walking down a crowded alley I saw an old man on the street asking others for some money. Knowing my weakness and soft spot for old people, I stopped and gave some penny. His tired eyes smiled and looked at me and then he said, "bless you, child". My weak heart sobbed inside and I smiled back to him and went away.

When I got to the library that day, the assistant librarian told me that my book fine was cleared and I have nothing to worry about~~~ヾ(＾∇＾)♪ I told him that I was worried because I gave out my coins to a man earlier and then he said that maybe I was truly blessed with good luck :) My trip back home was also wonderful since the tric driver only asked me for half the price of the fair. He! he! ☆(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ Everything and everyone was so wonderful, they filled up the empty spaces in my heart.

Last night, I asked for the rain and today, it rained.
I hope you have a wonderful day too, lovelies.

tonight we are young. we can burn brighter than the sun.

There were so many things that I promised that day, to myself, when I officially became twenty-three. Things that I penned years ago, and one I felt that I should so suddenly. I am yet to enjoy every moment of the entire year before it ends, and start again from this newly-found hope to a new beginning. I do apologize for being too straight-forward and fast, as I am attempting to run along and get my lost time back to its track. I am dove-tailing; doing three different things at a time, creating and recreating, wondering, wandering, dreaming new and old dreams again, and magic? I still believe them, but I know the limits now. Mom told me that I should learn to grow up and stand on my own, and I'm observing how to. Next year, when all these are over, she will be proud of me.  

I hope everyone is making the most of these holidays.

- h a z e

Send me wings so I can fly.

Ignoring the world and relearning how to exist are two different things.
But oh well! I was born to be contradicting.

photo via tumblr

time turner

He gave me a pocket watch as a constant reminder of how much time passes. For me, time is something no one can change. You cannot bring back what's lost. You cannot go back, you can only move forward while you reminisce about the past. It is a symbol, the gravity that holds people, reality, and history together. 

I imagine myself floating back to the time when everything was perfect. But it was too long ago. I'm afraid that if I closed my eyes too tight for too long, I might never find my way back. I might not want to go back.

Before the end of last year, I decided to just let it be. To wait until every thing returns to normal, until wounds won't hurt anymore, until my heart starts beating (again) because of happiness and not only because it has to. Life has given me so much pain and I guess it's time to learn from them. It will never be easy, but I hope you will stay with me till I'm strong enough to tell you 'it's alright'.

"It's dark now and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing."

- Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveler's Wife

♡ haze ♡