Wednesday

- lost time -



Déjà Vu by Nin Andrews

The first time I met you, I knew you would leave me. It would happen suddenly, perhaps on a Thursday. Already I possessed the memory of it. An autumn evening spent like so many drab moments, tiny grey ones, followed by weeks of shadows. Perhaps it occurred while watching each other through a haze of exhaustion and cigarette smoke, at dusk in some dingy restaurant, the candles sputtering, and outside, rain gushing through the drainpipes, winged maple seeds spinning past our window. We didn’t even notice the change at first. Everything looked so tired. Even the apartment buildings looming across the street like lit honeycombs kept closing their shades. And the truth is never obvious anymore. Why should it be? Habit prevents us from noticing the subtle changes - the feeling that everyone is holding his breath, like the hush when a symphony stops playing, and nobody blows his nose. We hear in the orchestra, not Mozart or a drum beat, but the drip of a faucet. Each drop is our universe, waiting to fall."
*

I want to remember.

22 comments:

  1. This is very lovely in some ways but so very sad in others. It should reflect on you that you are wholly lovely but very low of late.
    Darling, are you okay?

    When we stop trying to remember sometimes the memories flood in. If they are kind, then it's like a lapping tide. Gently they wash ashore and it's like opening a memory box and taking the time to look at each precious item with care and patience.

    "An autumn evening spent like so many drab moments, tiny grey ones, followed by weeks of shadows."
    This stood out. But autumn is my favourite season so I think it's important to say that it is very beautiful too. Did you know that a nickname of mine was 'grey' and I think that's because so many people didn't want to think of me as sad - but stuck half way between. A lot of people I know don't like to see things in black and white, probably because it would be hypocritical, we all do things that are very good or very bad. It's a very hard thing to accept. Therefore colouring it many things makes the idea of having to accept it go away.

    "Each drop is our universe, waiting to fall."


    I love you. You are very lovely x

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    1. Dearest Mhairi, I'm fine, because there's still people like you who cares. I know I will be fine.

      That piece was written by N.Andrews, exactly how I felt last time. But I can tell you everything is okay now. Trying to remember everything can make and break a person but I want to remember. I want to feel. I want to make every memory alive again. Sometimes it hurts but it's even more painful to forget.

      Grey is such a beautiful nickname, love. But I always see you in vibrant colors, you - one of the prettiest things on blogspot. I love you.

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  2. please be ok, haze! you words, ever so precious, still the sadness, my love, makes me worried...

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    1. Oh Lou. This makes me want to hug you.xx

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  3. Um, wow. In all honesty, you just said something I've been saying for so long "The first time I met you, I knew you would leave me." Well, ok, in my case it was a bit paraphrased but still, it's like you wrote what I've been thinking all along.
    Stay strong, in the end there's nothing else to be done.

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    1. how I wish people don't have to be like that...

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  4. Beautiful. I'm afraid of meeting people like that too.

    / Avy
    http://MyMotherFuckedMickJagger.blogspot.com



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    1. I hope you'll never meet someone who'll leave you in the end, Avy. You are lovely.

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  5. you always leave me breathless, babe <3 i hope everything is going good for you this week <3 muahhh!

    love u lotso
    xx james

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    1. gorgeous! Everything's good, darling. Mwuaa!

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  6. That is a gorgeous and wise piece! I think I need to familiarize myself with the work of Nin Andrews.

    I'm glad you are okay. Keep hanging in there, sweet girl. xxx

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    1. I think this is one of her most beautiful pieces. I think i just fell in love with her words too easily.

      I will, Melee... thank you so much ♥

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  7. I'm not sure. But I'd love to. He's just too contradicting (and a bit of a womanizer). *sigh*
    Thanks for the support love. :)

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    1. hehe... now that's something. I hope the feeling's mutual, lovely.

      Always.

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  8. Hi! You have the most wonderful blog! This was so beautiful!

    I'm following you now, I love your blog very much :) Have a lovely day!

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    1. Wow, thank you very much Nikki. I'm glad you loved my blog. And thanks for following ♥♥♥

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  9. You find some of the most gorgeous pieces of writing to share. Thank you so much!

    *Hugs*

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    1. Thank you, Peri.
      Something that can keep me company, lets me know I'm not alone (--not entirely)

      *Hugs*Love!

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  10. It's a very beautiful piece. :)
    Have a wonderful day! Nice blog, btw!

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    1. You are always so kind, Umi. Thank you very much!

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  11. This is heartbreaking as well as painstakingly beautiful.

    Warmest hugs, xx. ♥

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It feels like my heart has been bewitched by you and is keeping track of time on it's own.