Wednesday evening. My brother made a stew ("imagine it was a rabbit stew" he told us) and pretended we were friends of Frodo, three lost hobbits looking for trails that could bring us back home. Re-discovered that same night that happiness can be found anywhere, just anywhere as long as you're in the presence of your loved ones. "You are not alone".

Friday. Ian made me really happy and smiling the whole day. I felt I was living in a very fairy tale-ish dream. Nothing can ever stop us -- not even the sea.

Saturday. Chocolate + Strawberry cupcakes. Drawing. Listening to my late uncle's favorite song, on repeat, until I finally feel his presence again. 

All images from Tumblr and also, here is my listography page. 

I still don't know how it works but, still. :)

------ haze

- lost time -

Déjà Vu by Nin Andrews

The first time I met you, I knew you would leave me. It would happen suddenly, perhaps on a Thursday. Already I possessed the memory of it. An autumn evening spent like so many drab moments, tiny grey ones, followed by weeks of shadows. Perhaps it occurred while watching each other through a haze of exhaustion and cigarette smoke, at dusk in some dingy restaurant, the candles sputtering, and outside, rain gushing through the drainpipes, winged maple seeds spinning past our window. We didn’t even notice the change at first. Everything looked so tired. Even the apartment buildings looming across the street like lit honeycombs kept closing their shades. And the truth is never obvious anymore. Why should it be? Habit prevents us from noticing the subtle changes - the feeling that everyone is holding his breath, like the hush when a symphony stops playing, and nobody blows his nose. We hear in the orchestra, not Mozart or a drum beat, but the drip of a faucet. Each drop is our universe, waiting to fall."

*

I want to remember.

stumble

Because I don't know what to do in times like this.

I'm frightened.

It is so peaceful at the moment. Yesterday's rain had cleared. There's so many things I've wanted to tell you but just like my many strange dreams that come to me every night, they disappear in the morning light. Now all that's left are traces of illusion, a book under my pillow, an empty cookie jar and all those things I never thought I'd find and would leave behind.

In other words, all and everything of me is strange.

And, my hair is growing longer now.

♥

haze

"Under Milk Wood"

Come closer now.
Only you can hear the houses sleeping in the streets in the slow deep salt and silent black, bandaged night. Only you can see, in the blinded bedrooms, the coms and petticoats over the chairs, the jugs and the basins, the glasses of teeth, Thou Shalt Not on the wall, and the yellowing dickybird-watching pictures of the dead. Only you can hear and see, behind the eyes of the sleepers, the movements and countries and mazes and colours and dismays and rainbows and tunes and wishes and flight and fall and despairs and big seas of their dreams.
From where you are, you can hear their dreams.

- Dylan Thomas

***

Thurday. Dear Diary, I found my smile again. Soulmate was late again (like always), but came with (as always) his charm and green bicycle, a basket full of indian mangoes on one hand and a young rose on another. He pulled out my locket and put our old picture in it. Now I carry the little thing with me everywhere. A memory embedded in my chest, a story of love carved in my heart.

Friday. I am sick now. My teddy never fails to remind me: "you are never be alone"

♥

haze

I'm sorry I've been "difficult to handle" and upset lately! But here, here, I changed my blog header again. It looks a lot like me. Messy. Scattered all around the place with all these treasures and beautiful things I am currently obsessed to. Words of wisdom, phrases and quotes. A picture of me and Ian from before - edited. Pale faces, and loving, and building a whole new world around us.

I am liking it here. Everything feels safe and easy.

p.s. I would also like to take this moment to apologize for my lack of knowledge and eloquence and for my many grammar errors. I never thought of doing so before but since my followers are gradually increasing, I feel it is only appropriate to tell you guys. I'm sorry!

so stay awake and stay

It rained yesterday - the best thing that's ever happened in my March days so far. 

Send me wings so I can fly.

Ignoring the world and relearning how to exist are two different things.
But oh well! I was born to be contradicting.

photo via tumblr

Treatments for a lonely heart:

Vanilla ice cream. Rereading Anne Frank's diary. Talking to grandma over the phone for one and a half hour. Holding hands with soulmate. Scribbling little notes on old napkins. Watching Usagi and Luna at 8 o'clock in the morning. Sitting down and remembering good time memories. Making treasures out of scrap. 

Take care of your hearts, lovelies.

- haze