Untitled

I looked at you from outside the window

of your large grey house

for me, it was nothing more than

finding you in your own cold mind

I stood there, waiting, 

numb feet and salty hair

and mem'ries of good o'l days,

pirouetting away

the way the sky

changes colors from dusk to dawn

reminds me of a love

I have always known

(have only known)

your world, your labyrinth,

your pain

i want to take

them all together

as your eyes contain the storm,

i want to take you all together

and now I'm standing here, waiting

numb feet and salty hair

looking at you from outside the window

while the sky changes colors --

from dusk to dawn

*

Magpie Tales: Mag 119

2nd & 3rd picture here.

p.s. but I only want to be a poem...

This weekend consisted of three things: grandma, the crescent, and the sea. 9 hours of road trip, and three days away from home seems like the easiest way to loosen up. It was like a rebirth, maybe it really was.

My days have traveled on and now I'm lost in reveries (it's not really a bad feeling).

Hello dreamers, drifters, and stardust collectors. How was your day? Did you like my new header? I am the cat, I'm an animagus.

♥ haze

but nothing is unbeautiful...

Over thinking.
And I guess you already know that I am sinking.
Ian held me a little too tight this afternoon, and I could barely breathe. I like the feeling of being breathless. Heart pounds heavily, beating 1000 times per minute whilst tiny blood vessels tighten, and there's heat all over despite the cold. Where do I exist now? Tell me I am not fading, because right now, I'm quite enjoying our existence. your existence.

*

Long trip tomorrow. Be right back on Sunday. Take care darlings!

x haze

The days are longer now.

I want to be travel with you, little prince.

i played pretend between the trees...

Tuesday. I don't know if I can still be someone for somebody again. I want to run and dissolve into nothingness. Fade from head to toe, soul to heart, heart and soul. Every part of my body will turn into dirt instead of gold glitters (like the way I used to imagine it would be). Everything I've done will be deleted, not recorded as part of somebody's history, not even remembered as false friends tried telling me -- you will, always and forever! Nothing will stay the same. Nothing stays the same. Nothing.

Uneasy.

"Please - consider me a dream."

✰

Let there be falling stars tonight.

I think I need a wish.

haze

p.s. hey peridot! 

stay strong, you big dipper!

All I want to do is sleep these days. I'm having difficulties talking to people, or maybe I'm just enjoying the solitude. I can't choose whichever. I can't tell whatever.

i love you, bears!

haze

♥

we were made of rain

I've been feeling very weak lately, aside from the asthma and fever, it feels as though I've let a lot of people down. It's quite fascinating, seriously, how much bitter thoughts easily invade someone's mind when she's had a little too much to take or way too drunk from all foolishness of the world, let alone her own, and everybody's and, maybe, of everything else. But I'm okay, I promise or at least I'm trying to be.

One should try and stand still anyways!

* * *

- Editing my css right now, so if you see something strange, that's why :)

I turn to you.
I always turn to you.
In the future, I know that I will still.

And the river wasn't deep.

It feels strange.
It feels like my heart has been bewitched.
and you're to blame.
It keeps on floating.

It wasn't deep.

And I lost control.
I'm losing control.
Can't stop losing control.

You sailed.

And you told me,
"I miss you. I miss you"
it was only yesterday,



I keep falling
and you keep mending
Don't you ever get tired, dear?
(Please don't.)

You keep sewing holes in my heart.
Tears fall out of nowhere and you just keep on wiping,
Pale cheeks that was once tinted with roses,
why?

Don't you ever get scared?
They told me brokenness is contagious.
And your beauty doesn't deserve it.
I need you to stay fixed.
Stay fixed for me.

Palpitations. This is why I keep drinking too much coffee. Too much chest pounding. Too fast  heart beating. I lost three eyelashes today and have a small cut on my pinky. Ohoh dear, why does it hurt so bad?

I'm feeling very uneasy but I'm quite enjoying the restlessness.

❀   ❀   ❀

Happy Birthday, Melee! You shine, like the stars.

+ + +

Will send you messages tomorrow. 

I'm off to bed now, darlings. I'm so dizzy!

Love forever,

h a z e

Yesterday was like a fairytale-ish kind of dream, oh boy, I couldn't believe it after so many days. Heavy, heavy heart but brave, brave soul. I was happy. I was breathing.


Note: I keep waiting for something to happen xx h a z e

\

enjoy!

A letter to an old friend.

You may not know this but every time I think of you, I think of home. My tears tell me how great my love was/is/will always be for you and I haven't got the slightest idea if you've spent even a single night fathoming about this. I need you to remember, darling, how happy we were. I need you to tell me you haven't forgotten.

Have you forgotten, darling? Sitting outside, in what felt like, the darkest part of the world (for me, for you), watching the orb grow brighter every night. Waiting for shooting stars so we could get another wish. Wishing I'd be with you on your adventures and you told me "perhaps, when you're older" and oh, if I only knew.

You spoke of bravery and taught me to be brave and I've always taken those things for granted. I thought I'd never have to need them. I thought you'd always be here. I thought you'd always be here to hold my hand. My coward heart. So weak. So vulnerable. Innocence -- no, FEAR kept me blinded. I never saw it coming. I never thought I could lose you when I have held you in my heart for so long.

I was hurt and I ached and I ache till now. But my tears tell me how much I still love you and yearn for you and need you. 

I've been told hundred of times to stop living in memories, but we were so happy there I couldn't let go. Night spent looking were childish, foolish, nonsensical & unsteady, but the loveliest even. Always and forever. Always and for all of eternity.

*I want to be 6 forever. You were my Peter Pan. Still you are.

❀

For my grandfather.

Someone told me I can hold precious things in my heart.

You know it is where you'll always belong.

(small update: i had a fight with ian last week and it kept me in a very bad mood. but everything's well now :) except for the weather! ! ! the heat is killing me. i think i may die of heat stroke if this continues!!)

x haze x

May all your dreams come true, my darlingest Lili.